Likeness
by InnocentPhilosophy
Summary: Harry struggles with his moral's while developing a relationship with the source of his unease. Contains slash and suicide.
1. Sleep of the guilty

Warning - This story contains male/male slash and suicide. So if this is not your thing I politely suggest looking elsewhere.   
  
_______________________________  
  
Chapter 2 "Breaking point"  
  
After the initial excitement, everything returned to normal, even to the point Harry had forgotten to a certain degree, the events of that match. That was until one night, while the school was seated for dinner, Dumbeldore rose. Conversation dissappeared as all students regarded his figure.  
  
Wizards and witches, a great matter must be attended to, as you are no doubt aware the Slytherin quidditch stand is being rebuilt. On that fateful match day we saw an act of bravery of the highest degree. I would like to call our very own Harry Potter to the front," Dumbeldore boomed in his usual, unusually soft voice. "For this action we know Spruce owes alot to this young boy, and Cedric too, I might add, who would have felt the full force of Spruce's weight on his head, had Harry not acted quickly."  
  
Harry got up from his seat, and made his way, amid the cheers and applause from, towards the front.  
  
As Harry reached Dumbeldore, Dumbeldore reached behind himself. Dumbeldore drew out a trophy, not the most amazing one he had ever seen but still enough to stir his natural inner most joy at being the center of attention. Before his eyes, his name was slowly appearing on the trophy in spidery writing.  
  
"I think a hearty applause is warrented," proclaimed Dumbeldore "On this note I see it fitting to award 50 house points to Gryffindor house. With that he handed Harry the trophy, and gently turned Harry towards the school.   
  
Harry stood facing the houses, his heart pounded and he was sure it could be heard, even above the din.  
  
// This isn't right, // Harry thought, then, // Of course it isn't you idiot, you had no part to play in all of this. //  
  
"I don't desrve this," he whispered to himself, then, "I DON'T DESERVE THIS!" He shouted, the school went quiet, thinking this was the start of a speech.   
  
Someone in the Slytherin house yelled out "I would like to thank..." The school exploded once again at this.  
  
Harry's eyes looked out over the school, at once he caught Cedric's eyes and saw no sign of anger or sadness, just nothing. Harry would have been comforted had he saw anger but the eyes of Cedric burned into him.  
  
Harry spun around in forced the trophy back in to Dumbeldore's hands.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir...' Harry muttered.  
  
"No Harry, well done." Harry did not see the familiar twinkle in Dumbeldore's eyes, but those words comforted him and helped his descision.   
  
Harry fled the great hall, leaving the noise of the crowd and the insults begind him. Harry threw himself out of the doors of the castle.  
  
In the clamour, no one noticed Cedric leave. When the teachers had finally restored order, he was long gone.  
  
Harry pulled his cloak tighter onto himself, he didn't walk for long, before he thought of the only friend who would understand. He ran back to the castle and up.  
  
Harry reached the owlery in what seemed like seconds, in his excited state. Looking around he saw the familiar white mass that was Hedwig. Walking slower, he approached her and stroked her gently. Hedwig responded by giving Harry a friendly nip.  
  
"You are lucky Hedwig," Harry said softly, giving her a slitch scratch "I wish I could be as thoughtless, it's easy to be truthful when you are uncapable of lying. I really deserve to be punished for what I did, not rewarded."  
  
// Life before game Harry, // Harry thought, // so obviously apparent and yet I decided to make that capture, how can I have a soul? //  
  
Geeting up he walked over to one of the many access windows and sat on the ledge.  
  
"I should be scared Hedwig, but I could fly, fly away, fly down to the end" Harry said out loud to himself. Harry leant foward not feeling able to stop himself.  
  
As he fell foward a hand shot out and took hold of his shoulder. Harry was pulled back into the owlrey with a jolt.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Cedric yelled, "you like to run don't you". These words cut into Harry like a scythe. He was stunned for a moment but composed himself.  
  
"I don't see how you can talk, I don't want the damn attention, I don't see you taking a stand, have your damn name on it if you want!" Harry replied bitterly, "Are you scared of having attention, or do you like having something over me."  
  
"Scared?!" Cedric spat, "You have no idea what it is like to not be recognized, I do well at all my exams and because of the fact I am in Hufflepuff, the ONLY reason, I get sidelined. My parents don't accept no for an answer, yeah ok, maybe I am scared, I'm scared I might live up to their expectations and make something of myself!"  
  
"Don't give me that, pushy parent's or not, at least you know them!" said Harry, now shouting.  
  
"Ohh that's right, lets play that one, I guess next you'll be saying 'I don't like saving the world but it is the price I have to pay', believe me Harry, I've heard about it before, no wait, I've read about it, yes, read about it!" Cedric said as he put himself in Harry's face.  
  
Harry stopped dead at these words. Staring at Cedric he knew only to well the expression on his face, and what Cedric felt. Slowly a tear formed on Harry's face, Cedric released his gaze and walked over to a window and stared out.  
  
"I didn't mean that Harry, I am just sick of being sidelined."  
  
"Then why didn't you speak up?" Harry asked, putting his hand on Cedric's shoulder.  
  
"I said to myself I would never go anywhere at the expense of others, you are just a victim of my over anxious conscience." With that Cedric turned to Harry.  
  
Harry's and Cedric's eyes met, and neither could turn away. They drew closer, each searching the others eyes for what was coming. At that moment they both forgot, forgot about the school, their lives and everything else up to that point. They drew eachother in their arms and held tight.  
  
"I understand, Harry," Harry whispered.  
  
"I know we do" Cedric whispered back, more to himself.  
  
Their heads turned, and they faced eachother with only their noses touching, staring into eachothers eyes. Cedric swallowed.  
  
// Oh god, don't be too obvious, // Harry thought, before tilting his head slightly, and allowing Cedric to brush his lips softly over his.  
  
Harry and Cedric both opened their mouths instinctively, both knowing it was right, however they would have thought before. Cedric's tongue ventured out a bit, then...  
  
"Arghh!" shrieked Cedric "get it off". Cedric began batting at his arm.  
  
"We are foward, aren't we." Harry said, and then noticed Hedwig, firmly attached to Cedric's arm.  
  
"Geroff, Hedwig, I love you too," Harry said, laughing, and pulled Hedwig off Cedric. Hedwig flew up into the rafters with a snarl, as owly possible, were she sat looking ruffled and flummoxed.  
  
"Harry, seeing as you love me, oh so very much," Harry turned bright red, "you have to promise me you won't say anything, please..." Cedric pleaded.  
  
"No, I can't, you are right, you did the deed, the credit must be yours." Harry said, his face returning to it's serious state.   
  
Cedric took one last look at Harry and began to open the trapdoor.  
  
// I'll be glad to get rid of it, // thought Harry, as he watched Cedric dissapearing down the trapdoor, // sleep returns//... 


	2. Breaking point

Warning - This story contains male/male slash and suicide. So if this is not your thing I politely suggest looking elsewhere.   
  
_______________________________  
  
Chapter 2 "Breaking point"  
  
After the intial excitement, everything returned to normal, even to the point harry had forgotten to a certain degree, the events of that match. That was until one night, while the school was seated for dinner, Dumbeldore rose. Conversation dissappeared as all students regarded his figure.  
  
Wizards and witches, a great matter must be attended to, as you are no doubt aware the Slytherin quidditch stand is being rebuilt. On that fateful match day we saw an act of bravery of the highest degree. I would like to call our very own Harry Potter to the front," Dumbeldore boomed in his usual, unusually soft voice. "For this action we know Spruce owes alot to this young boy, and Cedric too, I might add, who would have felt the full force of Spruce's weight on his head, had Harry not acted quickly."  
  
Harry got up from his seat, and made his way, amid the cheers and applause from, towards the front.  
  
As Harry reached Dumbeldore, Dumbeldore reached behind himself. Dumbeldore drew out a trophy, not the most amazing one he had ever seen but still enough to stir his natural inner most joy at being the center of attention. Before his eyes, his name was slowly appearing on the trophy in spidery writing.  
  
"I think a hearty applause is warrented," proclaimed Dumbeldore "On this note I see it fitting to award 50 house points to Gryffindor house. With that he handed Harry the trophy, and gently turned Harry towards the school.   
  
Harry stood facing the houses, his heart pounded and he was sure it could be heard, even above the din.  
  
// This isn't right, // HArry thought, then, // Of course it isn't you idiot, you had no part to play in all of this. //  
  
"I don't desrve this," he whispered to himself, then, "I DON'T DESERVE THIS!" He shouted, the school went quiet, thinking this was the start of a speech.   
  
Someone in the Slytherin house yelled out "I would like to thank..." The school exploded once again at this.  
  
Harry's eyes looked out over the school, at once he caught Cedric's eyes and saw no sign of anger or sadness, just nothing. Harry would have been comforted had he saw anger but the eyes of Cedric burned into him.  
  
Harry spun around in forced the trophy back in to Dumbeldore's hands.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir...' Harry muttered.  
  
"No Harry, well done." Harry did not see the familiar twinkle in Dumbeldore's eyes, but those words comforted him and helped his descision.   
  
Harry fled the great hall, leaving the noise of the crowd and the insults begind him. Harry threw himself out of the doors of the castle.  
  
In the clamour, no one noticed Cedric leave. When the teachers had finally restored order, he was long gone.  
  
Harry pulled his cloak tighter onto himself, he didn't walk for long, before he thought of the only friend who would understand. He ran back to the castle and up.  
  
Harry reached the owlery in what seemed like seconds, in his excited state. Looking around he saw the familiar white mass that was Hedwig. Walking slower, he approached her and stroked her gently. Hedwig responded by giving Harry a friendly nip.  
  
"You are lucky Hedwig," Harry said softly, giving her a slitch scratch "I wish I could be as thoughtless, it's easy to be truthful when you are uncapable of lying. I really deserve to be punished for what I did, not rewarded."  
  
// Life before game Harry, // Harry thought, // so obviously apparent and yet I decided to make that capture, how can I have a soul? //  
  
Geeting up he walked over to one of the many access windows and sat on the ledge.  
  
"I should be scared Hedwig, but I could fly, fly away, fly down to the end" Harry said out loud to himself. Harry leant foward not feeling able to stop himself.  
  
As he fell foward a hand shot out and took hold of his shoulder. Harry was pulled back into the owlrey with a jolt.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Cedric yelled, "you like to run don't you". These words cut into Harry like a scythe. He was stunned for a moment but composed himself.  
  
"I don't see how you can talk, I don't want the damn attention, I don't see you taking a stand, have your damn name on it if you want!" Harry replied bitterly, "Are you scared of having attention, or do you like having something over me."  
  
"Scared?!" Cedric spat, "You have no idea what it is like to not be recognized, I do well at all my exams and because of the fact I am in Hufflepuff, the ONLY reason, I get sidelined. My parents don't accept no for an answer, yeah ok, maybe I am scared, I'm scared I might live up to their expectations and make something of myself!"  
  
"Don't give me that, pushy parent's or not, at least you know them!" said Harry, now shouting.  
  
"Ohh that's right, lets play that one, I guess next you'll be saying 'I don't like saving the world but it is the price I have to pay', believe me Harry, I've heard about it before, no wait, I've read about it, yes, read about it!" Cedric said as he put himself in Harry's face.  
  
Harry stopped dead at these words. Staring at Cedric he knew only to well the expression on his face, and what Cedric felt. Slowly a tear formed on Harry's face, Cedric released his gaze and walked over to a window and stared out.  
  
"I didn't mean that Harry, I am just sick of being sidelined."  
  
"Then why didn't you speak up?" Harry asked, putting his hand on Cedric's shoulder.  
  
"I said to myself I would never go anywhere at the expense of others, you are just a victim of my over anxious conscience." With that Cedric turned to Harry.  
  
Harry's and Cedric's eyes met, and neither could turn away. They drew closer, each searching the others eyes for what was coming. At that moment they both forgot, forgot about the school, their lives and everything else up to that point. They drew eachother in their arms and held tight.  
  
"I understand, Harry," Harry whispered.  
  
"I know we do" Cedric whispered back, more to himself.  
  
Their heads turned, and they faced eachother with only their noses touching, staring into eachothers eyes. Cedric swallowed.  
  
// Oh god, don't be too obvious, // Harry thought, before tilting his head slightly, and allowing Cedric to brush his lips softly over his.  
  
Harry and Cedric both opened their mouths instinctively, both knowing it was right, however they would have thought before. Cedric's tongue ventured out a bit, then...  
  
"Arghh!" shrieked Cedric "get it off". Cedric began batting at his arm.  
  
"We are foward, aren't we." Harry said, and then noticed Hedwig, firmly attached to Cedric's arm.  
  
"Geroff, Hedwig, I love you too," Harry said, laughing, and pulled Hedwig off Cedric. Hedwig flew up into the rafters with a snarl, as owly possible, were she sat looking ruffled and flummoxed.  
  
"Harry, seeing as you love me, oh so very much," Harry turned bright red, "you have to promise me you won't say anything, please..." Cedric pleaded.  
  
"No, I can't, you are right, you did the deed, the credit must be yours." Harry said, his face returning to it's serious state.   
  
Cedric took one last look at Harry and began to open the trapdoor.  
  
// I'll be glad to get rid of it, // thought Harry, as he watched Cedric dissapearing down the trapdoor, // sleep returns//... 


	3. Revelations

Warning - This story contains male/male slash and suicide. So if this is not your thing I politely suggest looking elsewhere.   
  
_______________________________  
  
Chapter 3 "Revelations"  
  
After Harry had the left the owlery, Harry sat down in a particular large patch of straw. Oblivious to the owl droppings all around him, he lay back, letting his mind wander.  
  
// What would be the best thing to do, I wonder, // Harry pondered. // Coming out with it directly won't be the easiest thing to do, but it would be right. On the other hand Cedric doesn't want me to tell. //  
  
At the thought of Cedric Harry held himself tighter, suddenly aware of the cold around him. He could see the cloudless sky outside partially, and the sight of such starkness made him even colder.  
  
"Maybe it's time to go back to the dorm." Harry said, out loud.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure it will be much more comfortable," Dumbeldore commented, slipping out of the shadows, "although not as quiet."  
  
Harry jumped up.  
  
"How long have you been here!" Harry exclaimed.   
  
// Say not long, say not long. // Harry wished.  
  
"I've just arrived Harry, don't you worry, and if I got here earlier would that have been a problem?" Dumbeldore asked in a calming vioce.  
  
"Oh no sir, I'm sorry for snapping, I've just got alot on my mind." Harry replied, inching his way towards the trapdoor.  
  
"Well as long as we are here, quite by accident, we could say. How about a little chat?"  
  
"I really would like to get some sleep, sir," Harry said, "and I don't wan't to inconvenience you."  
  
"Harry, you don't need to avoid the issue, mark my words Harry, you did the right thing, what happens now is your choice," Dumbeldore said.  
  
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbeldore silenced him.  
  
"No words are needed, just make the descision you feel best, I have every trust in you." With that, Dumbeldore left. Leaving Harry alone, yet again.  
  
After a few moments of standing alone in silence, Harry too left the owlery, closing the trapdoor gently behind him.   
  
Creeping through the darkened corridors, he was aware of how much time he had actually spent in the tower, the only light visible was from the torches hanging over the walls. In any other circumstance Harry would have almost certainly bumped into Filch or Peeves, but tonight the castle was almost deadly silent.   
  
Harry reached the portrait without incident, and without thinking, stepped over the unconcious form of Neville.  
  
// Nothing will bother him tonight, I think, // Harry thought, // and not me for a start. //  
  
"Vivictius Rombosa." He whispered, and with a feeble, drowsy wave of the Fat Lady's hand, the portrait swung open.  
  
"Night dearie..." She called after him, as he entered the common room.  
  
No one was awake at that time, so Harry, not wishing to disturb anyone, settled himself into one of the chairs, and curled up. The warmth of the fire calmed him, and he began to think in a different light.  
  
// Maybe it is for the best if I don't tell anyone, I mean if it's what Cedric wants... // Harry thought, // who would know? I don't know for sure if Dumbeldore knows. //  
  
The thought of being able to get away with it was a torture, making the descision to easy too make. Too easy to do what he knew was wrong.  
  
Eventually even the thoughts became tiresome, and he drifted off into dreamless sleep.  
  
The next worning he was ruffly awoken by what at first appeared to be a talking teddy bear. The lack of light told Harry it was still in the early hours of the morning.  
  
"We's is wanting to clean the chair please" said the unfamiliar house elf.  
  
"Oh sorry," Harry said, getting up. He got up a little too quickly, and fell back into the chair. The house elf stood there expectantly and Harry took all the time he needed, rubbing life back into his stiff limbs. When he had sufficiently recovered, he got up, and made his way downstairs towards the great hall to get some breakfast.  
  
As usual there were only a straggle of people awake, mostly eager first years, or the academic elite, fresh from a night's studying.   
  
Harry sat himself down, and helped himself to a bowl of porridge.   
  
"Hello Harry, lovely morning isn't it?" Colin asked, "can I sit here?"  
  
Without waiting for a reply he set his tray down next to Harry's. Harry moved accross to accommodate.  
  
"Congradulations about the trophy Harry, I would have thought you would have got it before, seeing as you banished you know who so many times." Said Colin heaping porridge into his mouth.  
  
"I'd rather you didn't bring that up Colin, and what are you doing up this early?" Harry asked, not hungry anymore.  
  
Colin turned bright red. Swallowing quickly, he looked up from his bowl.  
  
"I've met this Hufflepuff, you see, and last night..." He started, but Harry cut him off.  
  
"Spare me the details." Harry said, " and I would appreciate it if you left me alone for a while..."  
  
Harry thought that Colin might take this badly, but Colin's happy, blank expression did not change.  
  
"Ok sure, planning something heroic are we?" He gave Harry a nudge, and walked off to talk to another first year.  
  
Harry stared into his bowl. Thinking of many more interesting ways his descision could be made harder. Harry did not notice the great hall filling up as he stared into his bowl, when he again looked up, a whole fifteen minutes later, the room was quite more full, and he noticed Ron making his way over.  
  
"Where were you last night," asked Ron, "I haven't seen you since dinner yesterday, when you stormed out."  
  
"I didn't storm, I just needed to leave," Harry said in defense.   
  
"Oh, right, well anyway me and my brothers noticed the way you acted when you were around all the others that night you came back from the hospital wing. Anything I should know about?" His friend asked, "You can be honest, I know Dumbeldore told everyone to leave you alone after the incident, but taking modesty to a level where you are making a scene, that's a different thing."  
  
// If only it was that simple... // Harry thought. And brushed off the comment, not wanting confrontation.  
  
"No, I just don't deserve it, that's all." Harry said, light heartedly.  
  
Noticing Harry's discomfort, Ron turned looked at Harry and studied him for a second.  
  
"But why not? If it's about Spruce, something you don't want to talk about..." Ron said.  
  
// Oh god he doesn't think... // Harry mused.  
  
"No, of course not, I'm not trying to play the hero and look macho for Spruce, if that's what you are thinking." Harry said chukling, glad of his own laughter. "She's got more chance of looking macho, I think, her arm's are about twice the size of mine."  
  
Ron too laughed at this. But then the serious look came back to his face.  
  
"You can trust me Harry..." Ron said in a sincere voice, "no matter what it is."  
  
// I'm sure I can, but it's more a fact of trusting myself, // thought Harry, looking at the mist slowly rising of the lake.  
  
"Look Ron, I know I can trsut you, it's just it's not something I think you could help me with," said Harry pausing, "it's something I need to work out myself."  
  
Harry watched as Ron tried unsuccessfully to skip a stone accross the lake. Ron tried a few more time in silence before Harry continued.  
  
"Oh two that time, Ron you are improving" Harry commented, Harry took a deep breath, "Ron, I didn't save Spruce, or Cedric either, on that matter. All that I did was barrel into Cedric, causing mroe damage then good."  
  
Ron looked him over.   
  
"I see, well..." Ron said doubtfully, "that wasn't what I had expected, well if you really didn't save either of them, who did? I don't really see your problem, if it's just a matter of credit I'm sure whoever did won't mind it. That pretty boy Cedric could have used a good weight on his head to stop the swelling"  
  
"Well it was..." Harry stopped himself in time. "I don't really know who did, I just don't, and don't say anything about Cedric, if you actually new him you would find he's not as bad as you think."  
  
What, so now it's not Spruce, it's Cedric" said Ron. giving Harry a friendly punch on the arm. Seeing no friendly response from Harry, doubt came into Ron's eyes.  
  
"It's not is it? I mean if that's what you want..." Ron said, remarkably less sure of himself. " I mean when we were, you didn't seem keen, well at least something makes sense." With that Ron departed.  
  
// Yeah Ron, we didn't work out, you maybe need to get over that... // Harry thought, and left the serenity of the lake for the morning hustle of the castle. 


End file.
